Following my relapse, I went to my follow up appointment with my MS neurologist. I’m past the point of feeling nervous leading up to the appointment. However, every time I am in that chair among his piles of paperwork I am reminded of this lifelong battle I have ahead of my life. It’s a strange feeling. I never thought I would be the one to be carrying this incurable disease. It’s been a year but I am still learning how to cope with the various symptoms that come and go. One thing I am grateful for throughout this whole journey is my partner. He accompanied me today and sat by my side like a trooper. He asked questions, he was attentive and it felt extremely comforting to be supported.
Unfortunately, the neurologist wants another MRI done (fairly urgently it sounded like) to see whether there are new lesions. If the results from the MRI are less than ideal, we will need to look at more aggressive treatments–whatever that means. On one hand, I feel discouraged and another part of me feels extremely determined to conquer my MS and all the symptoms as gracefully as possible. Moments of weakness fall upon me and all I want to do is cry because I feel too fatigued to hold my own chin up high. But, these moments of despair are balanced with courage and perseverance.
I grew up a fighter and I will continue to be.
There is a part of me that is terrified of the bad news. And it’s really shitty when I have no way to predict how the course of this disease will progress. But I will do all I can to protect my body and nourish my soul. Luckily, I am privileged with great opportunities. I owe my partner a lot for his attention, love and support. Life gets busy for him but he’s always made time for me. I am so blessed for having him in my life. He is my partner and my best friend.