July 7, 2019

Humidity kicked my butt this weekend. A lot of dragging my feet around and sleeping in or laying around to catch a breath. But all this is to say, this is my first big relapse where it’s inhibited my ability to cognitively function at a level in which I’m used to. One year since I’ve been diagnosed and the smallest of setbacks ever since–I guess I can’t complain.

I’m still understanding what Multiple Sclerosis means to me and I think that’s an important distinction from the general term. I’m learning how to handle the humidity on my own terms. I’m figuring out how to reset my physical and mental state, and be okay with these setbacks. I’ve been discussing workplace accommodations and how to formalize the exemptions of such sick days; I have been easing my soul into a place of acceptance–that it’s okay to let laundry pile up, or to vacuum another day,

It’s okay, it’s okay.

The mind is definitely still shaky, the brain groggy from this summer heat. It’s a price to pay when I’m trying hard to enjoy the small moments. Waking up to a blank slate. Making plans on the fly…it’s something I rarely do but what a relapse is helping me recognize is that productivity can occur on a moment-to-moment basis. Nothing needs to be planned to have order in the day. We fueled our bodies with scrumptious dim sum, then headed to Home Depot to purchase paint for the garage. It was nice to just be there with them. Then they dropped me off so I could go about my day. Just like that. The afternoon was set up so that I could move slow, and not feel pressured to do all the things. I changed my sheets, sprayed them with my favourite Sage scent, and tackled this embroidery doll project.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself to stay grounded. Don’t be greedy for more. Life is to embrace the smaller moments.


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