September 19, 2018

The month of September, or the Autumn season in general, always seems to bring the most noticeable change for me. This month, I finally was screened through for a job assessment, passed and successfully moved onto the interview round; my mum will be living at a assisted living centre for a month while my dad flies to Asia to travel for a month on his own. BIG CHANGES!!!

My mum will enter the centre tomorrow and while I help to pack some items, I am struck with a sense of sadness and unshakable anxiety due to the uncertainty of her acceptance of the centre. I am incredibly afraid her passive personality combined with her innate stubbornness may result in a lot of inner resistance/resentment. While I cannot predict it now, I hope she will find peace in the decision to have her stay there for the month. The other component of my anxiety is due in part to my own ability to handle everything. “I’ll go to work, I will try my best to visit my mum as often as possible, walk the dog and provide for myself and my sister.” These are the responsibilities I continue to list off for myself and I find myself repeating it over and over again!! The anxiety doesn’t stem from my confidence in being able to live independently.  It’s that I won’t be able to handle it all with the frequent fatigue I’ve been experiencing lately.

Since I’ve come down with a cold, I have noticed this major fatigue that sets in quickly into the day. I continue to feel a slight numbness in my left hand but I’m nowhere closer to receiving the treatment that I was prescribed back in June. Due to a severe lack in administrative efforts at the clinic, I’ve been denied twice by my insurance to have them cover the medication. At this point in time, I feel entirely deflated and don’t have the motivation to chase them. I’ve raised it to the case representative from the patient support program that I’m a part and she’s told me that she’ll follow up. So I’ll sit back and wait some more…

xo,
T

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