It resides in each sigh I take and in the slow movements I make. It fills my heart with bitterness and frustration and fills my soul with a sadness that I can’t shake off. The only remedy becomes more work to fill my days so I won’t have to feel it. It comes out late in the evening, when my soul is worn down and the walls are exposed. I was wearing it as glasses so I only saw my days in measure of productivity.
Through this experience, I’m beginning to understand the habits I’ve formed in the last year. And boy, how fast they formed. I put myself last and my good intentions became an obsession. I just wanted to keep doing and very quickly, my jobs became my excuse. I didn’t want to do anything but work. But I’m recognizing the harm in putting myself last. It has manifested into something physical and I am now suffering with the consequences.